This past holiday season I worked at a major clothing retailer. One of my co-workers (and now friend) would jokingly remark how spoiled I was. She wasn’t honestly criticizing me, but just pointing out the differences between how much financial assistance I’ve been given in high school compared to her experiences with money and parental help after graduating college without being able to secure a job. It really made me realize how much I have.
With that said, let me first acknowledge that parents probably spend more on their children today than they ever have before. As recent as the 1990s, there were no cell phone or Xbox Live bills. Gifts like iPods and laptop computers were non-existent. College was much cheaper than it is today, and not as many people were going. So her analysis probably isn’t wrong.
But does this mean kids are spoiled?
I don’t necessarily think so.
I don’t think having nice stuff or be given certain objects or opportunities is inherently bad. The problem is when kids and teens base their identity and attitude on those entities. There are students are my high school (and most schools in the country I’m sure) that are ridiculously stuck up. They, or more accurately their parents, have lots of money. The kids aren’t afraid to show it. People say they’re snobby not because they drive a Lexus, but because they act like they couldn’t drive anything “under” a Lexus.
Part of the “blame” rests with the parents. For example, what 16 year old is going to refuse a brand new car? I know I wouldn’t. The problem however isn’t just the car, it’s that the parents don’t make the kid realize how lucky they actually are. I know plenty of new drivers with nice cars that I wouldn’t consider spoiled. They understand that their parents work hard and have been successful enough to provide nice things. They don’t think they deserve the car. That’s the difference.
The other part deals with how relative a term like spoiled can be. In my community, any high school student driving an Escalade would automatically be considered spoiled. But in richer neighborhoods, that vehicle choice could be the norm.
My own situation is probably typical of what most middle class kids enjoy today. I saved up for a car using money I earned from my state’s 4-H program. But I don’t pay for gasoline or insurance. I doubt that I even could with a minimum wage job. (My car insurance is about the same as my dad and sister’s combined.) And of course I benefit from purchases my parents make, even if they aren’t strictly for me, like the plasma television I’m watching speed skaters compete on right now.
I may be privileged (especially if you compare my standard of living to a teen in a disadvantaged country), but I don’t think that makes me a spoiled brat. Ultimately, it’s the attitude that determines whether someone is spoiled or just lucky to have wealthy parents.
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While you’re right that attitude is what differentiates being fortunate from being spoiled, the act of being given nice things for no effort is what turns someone into a spoiled brat.
Having nice things is fine, but when they’re given instead of earned, the receivers place no value on them.
Now, I’m not saying that parents can’t give their kids a laptop or even a car. But such a gift should be tied to something. “Get straight As and we’ll buy you a laptop.” “Complete this set of chores and we’ll add money to a car savings account.” Or something to that effect.
I also have upper middle class parents. And 10 years ago, when I was your age, there weren’t xbox lives and laptops were expensive and clunky. Still, some people would get extravagant gifts from their parents – a new truck, a new desktop computer (at that time this would have cost the same or more than a laptop today), and other great stuff.
Other parents with the same capabilities would pass on hand-me-down computers, allow their kids to borrow their cars, provide a limited allowance for clothing purchases. Stuff like that. This is a lot different from being provided the best of the best just because you want it, and results in a different personality.
Facebook seems to confirm that the kids who were just given nice things have grown up into people who have trouble holding a job. People who earned what they were given (and therefore tended to have less nice things) seem much more successful.